


Death Of A Bachelor

by artificialstella



Category: RuPaul's Drag Race RPF
Genre: Based On A Panic! At The Disco Song, M/M, P!ATD
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-23
Updated: 2017-01-23
Packaged: 2018-09-19 12:59:02
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,435
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9441320
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/artificialstella/pseuds/artificialstella
Summary: Based very loosely on the song Death Of A Bachelor by Panic! At The Disco (though this is probably very obvious by the title).





	

Katya was a lot of things. She was an entertainer, she was an artist, she was a complex female woman. But what she wasn’t was a romantic. Life had taken her and rode her hard, and it made believing in silly things like happily ever after an impossibility. She enjoyed her one night stands and effortless flings. Sometimes a man would come into her life that captured her attention, but the spark always fizzled out after a few dates. So, she resigned herself to be happy with the lonely life she’d set out for herself, a paradox that only she was stupid enough to accept. Why did she need someone else to define who she was? Katya was content on her own. Katya was a star, loved by hundreds of thousands. People depended on her to be an entertainer. She couldn’t possibly be the life of the party if she was focused more on the person waiting for her at home than the audience in front of her. Katya knew she was best when she was free.

But lately she’d been finding herself growing tired of sleeping alone. Of course there were the nameless hotties she pounded into the mattress in nearly every city she went to, but once she finished the door was opened and out they went, leaving her with her cigarettes and spacious hotel rooms. Maybe she was only noticing how painfully single she was because everyone around her was settling down. First Phi Phi, now Manila, it seemed like every queen was promising forever. They were fools though, they had to be. Love was fun for a couple of months, but it always ended in tears and pain. There were all of these expectations when it came to relationships. People would build up these images of their partners, creating this ideal person. These standards were impossible to live up to, and once the honeymoon period was over the flaws started to show, and eventually the relationship would crack and crumble into a broken mess that stung to even think about. No, Katya was too smart for that. At her age, she knew what love truly was. It was infatuation taken too far, its shelf life overestimated. Every relationship had a ticking clock, and Katya would rather avoid the eventual blow up.

Well, that’s what she always thought.

It took her some time to realize what was happening, and by the time she did it was too late. What they had was so easily disguised as friendship. The way her heart soared whenever her name was even mentioned was just because they were so close, right? Finding herself staring constantly was just because she respected her art, not because she thought she was beautiful. Katya was naturally a touchy person, of course her hands gravitated towards hers, it was normal that she constantly seeked the joining of their palms. They were best friends, and it was a wonderful thing. Katya had never quite had someone in her life like her. The more she thought about it though, the more her perfect image of them started to blur into something more complicated. It was the eye contact that lasted too long. The unspoken tension when the words ran out and their bodies were too close. Katya was becoming bolder, joking more about the clear attraction between the two of them, making everything aggressively too sexual in a strained attempt to normalize whatever was going on between them. Internally though, Katya was starting to panic. This wasn’t what Katya did, especially not with someone she cared about so much. She would never put a time limit on what they had, and feelings would just complicate everything. She liked who they were as individuals, she couldn’t jeopardize that by forcing them together. They deserved more than becoming an ‘us’ instead of a ‘you and me’.

Katya’s heart, much like her head, never did a very good job of listening to her. It was only a matter of time before her stubborn will gave out under the buckling weight of her adoration.

The beginning of the end happened to be at a small club in LA. It was Pearl’s birthday, and instead of throwing a huge party the younger queen opted to have a small get together with a very select group of her friends. Katya showed up to this club on a Wednesday night in full drag like any dutiful friend would. Immediately stepping into the room, her eyes gravitated towards the object of her internal torment.

Trixie was unsurprisingly dressed in a flowy, lacy nightgown with a pile of blonde hair on her head and twenty pounds of makeup on her face. The younger queen’s overpainted lips were stretched into a wide smile and she was curled forward with laughter. Even from across the room Katya could hear her booming cackle, and her heart responded immediately. Trying to quell her it’s racing, Katya crossed the dancefloor to join her group of friends. Thankfully Pearl was close enough for her to grab into a hug and ignore the mass of pink in her peripheral.

“Happy birthday you dumb cunt,” Katya crowed, squeezing her arms tightly around the other queen’s thin waist.

“You idiot,” Pearl laughed, immediately leaning into her embrace. “Thanks, I’m glad you’re here.” Careful not to smudge any makeup, Pearl pressed a kiss to Katya’s temple.

“Are you having a good night so far?” She asked.There was a nagging voice in Katya’s head telling her to stick around Pearl for a little longer. It was easier talking to the younger woman than another certain season seven sister. Nothing was complicated between the two of them, she could grab Pearl’s hand or even her ass all she wanted without getting those annoying butterflies in her stomach.

“It’s really chill, I’m glad I kept it small. We don’t all get to be in the same room without a million other people that often, so this is nice.” Pearl looked genuinely happy as she looked out at their group of friends. Life in the spotlight was hard on Pearl, the lack of privacy and downtime took a toll on her more than most. It was good for her to have nights like this where there was no pressure to be anything, it was just her and her friends getting together and celebrating another year on earth.

“I’m still pissed you made us come in drag,” Katya teased.

“Oh whatever grandma, you look hot anyway.”

Pearl’s attention was grabbed by the entrance of more of their friends, so Katya stepped away to give her some time with the new arrivals. As she looked around for someone else to distract her next she felt a body crashing into her side.

“Kat, when did you get here?” Trixie grinned down at Katya, her eyes bright with happiness.

“A few minutes ago, I was just saying hi to the birthday girl. What, are you mad when I don’t immediately seek you out when we’re in the same room? You don’t get to put me on a leash, Tracy,” Katya shot back. Her words were contradicted by her actions though as she looped her arm around Trixie’s waist and squeezed the foam of her hip.

“Maybe if you won All Star’s I would, but since you’re a loser I don’t need to be seen with you anymore.” Mischief twinkled against her bright blue contacts, causing Katya to pull back and smack her arm.

“Whatever you little shit, I did better than you ever did,” the older queen snapped. Trixie gasped, her hand going to her chest dramatically.

“Shut up or I’m cancelling our incredibly successful internet series.” Trixie wagged her finger in a reprimanding manner, and Katya bit at it playfully. Another affronted noise tumbled from Trixie’s mouth and Katya’s stomach was in knots. Every little thing Trixie did had fire burning through her veins. How was this dork from Wisconsin unraveling every defence she’d built over the years?

The music changed, and suddenly Trixie’s face lit up again. Her hands grasped Katya’s again and she started tugging her towards the empty dancefloor. Katya followed without a word, knowing exactly what Trixie wanted. They were partners in crime, always so in sync. When one moved the other followed like the push and pull of the tide.

With the beat pulsing behind them and the colorful lights flashing against their skin they started dancing. Neither of them were particularly dancers, so it was mostly the flailing of arms and the shaking of hips. It didn’t matter though, the two of them were in their own little world together. Acting the fool was something they both knew and loved, which meant they only fed off of each other’s ridiculousness. It meant the constant flow of laughter bubbling between the two of them, unlocking parts of Katya that she couldn’t on her own.

Suddenly the music faded and a softer song started playing, a man’s bluesy voice reverberating through the club. The limbs slowed down, and unhurriedly they drifted closer. Trixie towered over her with her with her giant hair, so it was only natural for her to drape her arms over Katya’s shoulders. Katya leaned in, resting her head on Trixie’s shoulder. The lace of her nightgown itched against her skin and her nose was filled with her sweet perfume.

“This is nice,” Trixie murmured, and Katya couldn’t help but hum in agreement. This was nice, Katya never felt more at ease than when she was with Trixie. She made Katya question everything she’d ever thought about love. Being around Trixie made her feel stronger. The way they worked together was harmonious, she made Katya want to be a better person, a better performer. She wasn’t the ball and chain Katya always envisioned. Was this what love was? Was she capable of something healthy?

No, a part of her thought. Maybe in another life where Katya was a better person it could work. But Trixie was her opposite. She was infatuated with love, she still had dreams of a grand wedding and endless passion. Katya could never promise her a future. Affection sure, but devotion? It was so unrealistic. Monogamy was a fairytale told by parents to give their children something to dream about. Adults weren’t capable of that kind of unrequited bullshit. Eventually one of them would get sick of the other. Trixie would grow tired of Katya’s edges and cracks. Katya would grow tired of the same old sex. Everything could go wrong, and once again Katya would prove herself right that love was a myth at the cost of the best person she’s ever known.

“I can see the wheels turning in your head, what are you thinking about?” Trixie’s hands brushed along Katya’s back, warm and comforting. Dark thoughts still tumbled in Katya’s head, but they seemed so dull with Trixie’s presence.

“I’m thinking about how I’m perpetually single,” Katya hummed. Her eyes were still closed, her other senses already overloaded with the other queen.

“You’re the season seven bachelor,” Trixie laughed. Katya hummed, but it wasn’t as affirming as the last one. Trixie seemed to catch onto Katya’s hesitance and her swaying stopped so she could really look at Katya. The older queen’s eyes peeked opened and as soon as their gazes locked electricity zipped between them.

Everything could go wrong, she had to remind herself. Sure, Trixie was looking at her with nothing but love in her eyes now, but how long could that last? If it was anyone else, Katya would run. But there has never been anyone like Trixie before. They’d known each other for over two years now, and while the initial giddiness of their blooming friendship had worn off, something calmer and stronger remained. They had an understanding, the two of them. It was like Trixie had unlocked the puzzle that was Katya’s head. There was a promise in her eyes now that said she wasn’t going to give up on Katya. If anyone could handle the frazzled, cynical mess that was Brian McCook it was the acid-trip Barbie across from her.

“I’m getting a little old to be a bachelor,” Katya murmured. Her stomach was twisted with nerves, and she knew things were changing. Katya couldn’t let herself doubt this anymore. Love was for fools, and Katya was ready to be one of the foolish.

Trixie’s painted eyebrows arched in surprise at Katya’s words, a smile twitching on her lips. Of course she was right on step with Katya. Words didn’t have to flow between them, the weird connection they had said it all. Katya was tired of fighting, she couldn’t cling to this brokenness anymore. If it meant giving up that part of herself, an identity she’s clutched so tightly to her heart for too many years so that she could have something good with Trixie, then she would without a single regret.

“You’re getting too old for everything. Don’t you have one foot already in the grave?” Trixie’s hands were still steady against Katya’s back, an anchoring presence.

“Exactly, so I don’t think I should be messing around anymore. It’s time to get serious Tracy.” There was a hesitant hopefulness on both of their faces, as Katya spoke. But it wasn’t time for words anymore, they’d had enough of that. Before her mind could scare her off, Katya leaned up and pressed her lips to Trixie’s. That was all the two queens needed before every pent up emotion was pouring out between them. Katya’s hand tangled in Trixie’s voluminous wig and held her close, and Trixie clung to Katya’s waist so fiercely she almost lifted the smaller queen off of the ground. Katya’s been fighting this for too long. The voices were still nagging at her, whispering dark possibilities that this was all going to end in pain. But she wasn’t going to let fear rule her, not here. She couldn’t be scared of anything that had to do with Trixie.

“Took you long enough,” Trixie chuckled as they broke apart. Katya shrugged, her eyes drawn to the smudge of red around the other queen’s lips. Her mark was made, there was no turning back now. It should terrify her, the commitment she just unwittingly made, but looking up at Trixie she felt nothing but hopefulness. A part of her died tonight, but something new was growing in its place, something warmer and trusting. Something finally worthy of the person in her arms.

 _Happily ever after_  
_A lifetime of laughter_  
_At the expense of the death of a bachelor_


End file.
